Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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