i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
