I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
