Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
