My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Randomize
