i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Vodka?
Forever.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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