It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize