I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
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