Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
