so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
