Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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