Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize
