i may or may not be watching the land before time
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
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Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
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Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
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