ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
