you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
