you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
