my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
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