My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
