I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Randomize
