You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
