The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
