all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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