So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
