Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Randomize
