who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
