a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Randomize
