im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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