You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
