I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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