operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
You made out with two different species that night
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
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