PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
