no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
