well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
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