u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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