I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
tonight lets celebrate not being married
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
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