my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
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