On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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