Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
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