I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Randomize
