So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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