please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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