You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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