get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I forgot wine drunk hurts
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