watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
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