We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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