And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Randomize
