i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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