I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I need a burrito and a hug.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Randomize
