great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Randomize
