That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Randomize
