He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
