where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
