So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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