I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
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