I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
