You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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