A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
