Yo dont text me then not text me
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Randomize
