We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
