Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Randomize
