three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
