My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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