i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
