I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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