2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
We need to rekindle our bromance
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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